Transactional vs Transformational Relationships

Mother Teresa once said, “Intense love does not measure, it just gives.” A common mistake in many relationships is to start to measure what other person has or hasn’t done, and using that to justify what you do or don’t do.

True love doesn’t measure. Love doesn’t compare. Love just loves. The question we must ask our self is what is the type of relationship that we want to have? Do we want to have a transactional relationship, or a transformational relationship?

A transactional relationship is a relationship that will use people for their gifts or talent. Your needs come first ahead of any one else. The other person must “perform” their role in order to please the other person.

A transformational relationship is a relationship that focuses more on the message not the task. The focus is to simply love, inspire and care for the other. The spouse and family needs come first. The focus is on how to please the family, not how will the family please me.

Here are some keys to having transformational relationships.

Focus on the People not the problem.

Barbara Johnson once said, “Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.” To many times we find ourselves focusing on the problem, and not the person.

When addressing issues that are important, take some time to think about how you feel about the person you are talking to. Make sure they know that your goal is to not just to talk about a problem, but to come closer as a couple.

How they feel matters.

Les Brown is quoted saying, “If you are carrying strong feelings about something that happened in your past, they may hinder your ability to live in the present.” Sometimes the issue that your loved one is going through has nothing to do with you. Sometimes there are things from their past that they are still working through, and you happen to be the one in their life to help them through it.

Be mindful of their feelings when addressing an issue. How they feel is just as important as how you feel. The better you are in being sensitive to their feelings and emotions the greater the chances to increase your ability to resolve conflict and show your unwavering love.

Inspire and share your vision.

Learning to inspire can be as easy as what Pope John XXIII once said, “I have looked into your eyes with my eyes. I have put my heart near your heart.” Being intentional in sharing your heart with your family is essential in creating transformational relationships. The simple things of eye contact and speaking from your heart are simple but effective ways to becoming a transformational leader.

Enjoy the benefits of a transformational relationship by focusing on the needs of those you love, and helping them in any way you can today.

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