5 Keys to Increasing Your Influence in Relationships

It is said that the “depth of relationship that you have with a person determines the depth of influence that you have with them as well.” 

If this is true, then we must be intentional developing deep and honest relationships with those that we intend to influence.

Though this sounds easy enough, and something we all desire to accomplish, why is it difficult for people to have a positive influence on our family?

We understand that your position or title alone does not equate to having influence in your home or at work. Your position gives you the opportunity to have influence.

In Dr. Robert B. Cialdini’s book, “Influence: Psychology of Persuasion”, he gives keys to increase your influence and for you to truly Unlock the Champion in you and those you love.

Here are some of the keys that we thought would help.


KEY 1: Reciprocity.

This is simply giving through unconditional acts of kindness to those you want to influence.

Have you ever noticed that if you are going into a building or mall with double doors and you open one set of doors for a person coming out, someone will open the interior set of doors for you. This is a part of God’s law of sowing and reaping.

When you give, people will naturally want to give back to you just because you gave with no other motive than love.

I can’t stress enough that it must be unconditional. Think of how you feel when you know someone is doing something for you with a hidden motive. It not only makes you skeptical of receiving the gift, but also skeptical of the person giving the gift.

If you want increase your influence, the people around you must know that you are genuine in your acts of kindness toward them.


KEY 2: Commitment & Consistency.

McDonald’s is not famous for making the best hamburgers. McDonald’s is famous for their consistency. It doesn’t matter where you are in the world, when you order a Big Mac and fries, it will taste exactly the same wherever you go.

If you want to increase your influence in those around you, we must commit to be consistent with them.

Our family has to know that we will “watch over our word to perform it.”

When our family knows that we are committed to them because we do what we say we will do, and are consistently there for them when they call on us, this elevates your capacity to influence them.


KEY 3: Liking.

Do they like you? It’s very hard to influence someone who doesn’t like you.

Being likable simply means to be yourself, smile, laugh, tell a joke, and be approachable.

Some men find it difficult to show their true emotions at home, and some even believe it’s a sign of weakness.

Think about it this way. Who is “stronger”: a person who shares their emotions and has influence in their home, or a person who is emotionally distant and has little to no influence in their home?

It’s always easier to work with people you like to be with. Do the people you want to have influence with like to be with you?


KEY 4: Authority.

Are you an expert or do you have success in that area?

Authority is not just referring to the fact that you are the husband or the parent. If you have not been disciplined in saving and managing money, then it will be difficult to have influence with your spouse and children on the subject of finances.

Has anyone ever tried to give you advice that made sense, but because it didn’t come from a credible source you hesitated or even resisted the advice?

As a leader we have the responsibility to inspect what we expect by modeling the behaviors that we expect from those around us. This builds our credibility and influence.


KEY 5: Scarcity.

Everyone is limited with not having enough time.

One of the ways to increase your influence is by creating a special time that you schedule for those that you want to influence.

This “appointment” is time just for you and them to talk, share, laugh, or to do whatever they need at that time.

Creating this window communicates to them that they are important to you, and that even though you are busy, they are so important that you blocked of time just for them!


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